hais.

its really painful to see someone leaving this world right infront of ur eyes.

i really cant rmb when is the last time i visited her.

and now she's gone.

gone forever.

at least im there to acc her during very last journey and till her very last breathe.

kor kor u must take care k?

i noe u love ur mother very much.

im sure ur mother noes it too.

i believe tat ur mother will be having good life too at the other world tat we cant see.

kor kor i will always rmb wat u had told me the past few days.

actually i felt great too to meet up 2 of my closer kor kor.

the rest not close de.

den i realise im the 'princess'.

coz im the only girl at our generation.

haa.

instead of being dote.

i got bullied from the 2 kor kor.

so bad.

1 asked me to buy psp for his bdae present.

1 asked me to buy air ticket for his bdae present.

-_-

life is unpredictable.

2mths b4 i lost 1 family member.

i did not went coz its during my bdae week my mother dont allow me to go.

den 2mths aft lost another one.

hais.

so wat if i look fine today.

who noes wat will happen to me tmr?

losing a family menber forever is already heartpain.

at the same time.

i think i had lost 4 friends.

i dunno y.

i dunno how.

i dunno wat.

i dunno when.

hais.

my nightmare is finally here.

the news i dont wana hear eventually still has to be heard.

the day i dont wana it to arrive will be arriving in 22days.

15march2008

dont stop me from crying.

let me be.

dear im going to miss you very very very much...

i really dunno how to survive without u le.

for the past 6mths i had been sticking u so closely.

i cant imagine how my life will be like without u.

dear dont worry k?

i will be strong de.

i will be waiting for u de.

love u my dear.

(:

hais.

y i just cant do well in the things i do?

morale reallie damn low now.

y they can do it but i cant?

made me no more confidence.

feel like avoiding it.

hais.

ya well perhaps failure is always a failure ba.

wat can i do when im sad?

cry?

sleep?

do nothing?

daydream?

anyone can tell me?

wat can i do to relise stress?

shout?

yell?

scream?

or cry?

hais.

i dont want this kind of life.

i wana be happy.

i dont wana be sad.

i wana to smile.

i ont wana to cry.

but how?!?!

now im really confuss tat whether i wana be alone or i need an accompanyment.

when im alone how i wish there's someone to talk to me so tat i wont feel down.

but sometimes how i wish ppl can leave me alone so tat i can cry to myself.

hais.

wat i really want lah?

i really wonder.

ohh ya i forget to mention.

well maybe i said it damn long time ago.

so those who are new to my blog wont noe.

i hate ppl to talk abt my blog details outside.

dont discuss it among ppl too!!

once u read it.

either u rmb it and shut up.

or jolly well u can just forget it.

and if u feel offended.

sorry.

its my blog afterall.

dont like it den just simply dont read!

i dont mind.

my purpose of blogging is to pour out all my feelings.

happiness and sadness.

if i allow u to say it out or discuss among group.

y i still bother to blog?

i might as well write and put on newspaper.

den ALL will noe.

no need ppl to talk abt it.

ya.

tats another reason y am i tat angry tat day.

n oso the reason y i changed my password.

hmm had been 2weeks ever i last blogged.

cny is over.

yup first time in my memory i celebrate cny in singapore.

went chinatown on the eve.

first day and second day of cny went for movie.

of coz i simply love being with him.

but others just cant understand me.

out of sudden aft our happy dinner gathering.

she came against me.

worst thing is.

not directly.

is indirectly.

y wana pass msg?

just tell me straight.

still say we are friends for more den 10yrs.

for tat fucking 10yrs u dont understand me?

ya perhaps u have not.

i dont feel hurt for those words u said to me.

i felt so damn fucking angry.

more den u told someone to pass the msg to me tat u're pissed with me.

how i wana treat my bf is my prob.

how u wana treat ur bf its ur hell god damn prob.

y wana interfere?

i just feel tat wasted my effort treating u as my friend.

wat a FRIEND!!

wat made me real damn mad was.

she went round telling ppl tat im wrong.

i shld change.

i just wana stop the small matter to become big matter.

i told her 'ok stop it'

den again she went round telling ppl tat i had admitted tat im in the wrong.

i will change.

wat the fuck~?!

wat she meant by tat?

telling ppl tat she had won the battle?

and i had lost?!

fuck off~!!

ARGH!!!

aft tat.

i kept on thinking.

wat had i achieve in my life?

think think think.

seems nothing.

feels like im a failure.

mother always nagging tat im not a good daughter.

bf commented im selfish and stubborn.

friends say tat i neglected them.

boss say tat i had not done a good job.

see.

wat and where else im good at?

im like a failure in all areas in my life.

TOTAL FAILURE~

hais...

hmm came back from work.

i feel much much more tired to work opening den working closing.

coz if i worked opening i only slp for like 3hrs.

den if i work closing i still can slp 6 to 8hrs.

haa.

anyway my boss like treat me so nice like tat.

tmr and sun im off.

den cny 1st and 2nd im off.

actually i only request off on 1st day nia.

but 2nd day im off too!

so happy.

lols.

but off where can i go?

im not like the rest go around visiting relatives.

so i dunno where to go and wat to do.

but luckily both of the days he is not working too.

hee.

cny dinner ah cny dinner.

still rmb we had it last yr.

so fun.

having the lao yu sheng.

wana have it again this yr.

(:

back from work.

hmm my feb schedule still not out.

sians.

are we having any renuion dinner this yr?

seems like no one starting the ball rolling.

later i plan le last min give excuses and less den 50% of the ppl turn up.

its like wasting my effort planning.

heart pain de leh.

once again to plan a gathering is not a easy job.

hais.

see my mood lah.

wana plan or not.

but if i nv plan.

when are we going to meet up again?

till one day dont care abt each other?

eventually forget one another?

hais hais hais.

i really wat to do le lah.

the more i think.

the more my heart feel hurt.

can someone pls advice?

if i were to ask u 'wat do u see urself in 3yrs time?'

wat ur ans will be?

im being asked this qns by my business consultant.

i crapped one big round with her.

but actually i dont really understand wat the hell im trying to say.

im like a person with no goals in my life.

i dunno wat i wana do in the future.

and of coz i dunno wat will i be doing in the future.

am i going to continue to persue my dream?

i want to.

but im scared of failure again.

how many yrs can i try?

1yr?

2 yrs?

5yrs?

or 10yrs?

arghh.

forget it.

i will stay watever im now.

hais.

im really afraid to think far.

i just hope tat everyday have a better tmr.

im satisfied.

phew~

had been working like mad the past few days.

dont say le lah.

angry.

fed up.

but i cant do anything.

ya.

unlike last time.

can revenge.

but now.

wat i can do is.

to suffer myself.

hais.

anyway those hard days are over.

went shopping aft work with candice to relax myself ba.

i went back to the same shop to get another dress.

tube dress this time round.

something new.

something tat i did not have before.

hee.

candice bought the same as me too.

hmm well.

actually is i bought the same one as her.

coz is she the one who spot it first.

hee.

den we bought the same sandels.

and oso the same wedges.

hee.

happie happiee~!!

=DD

yup think im done with my cny shopping le.

dont wana spend somemore liao.

think i had spent more den 200bucks liao leh.

=x

bRoKe~

ohh ya!

had watched rambo 4 few days back with him.

its like omg lor.

so er xin~!!

errrrr...

just came back from work.

tired~

3crews nv turned up for work.

-_-

made 3managers worked like mad dogs.

haa.

tired is tired.

things tat i wana to be done i still can do it.

maybe not all have the same thinking as me.

well.

i need to be more understanding ba.

hmm... ...~

actually im so mood-less de.

but aft talking to my goon du friend junaina.

i feel better.

hmm.

it had been a long time ever we talk on phone.

we seldom talked too le.

aft i transfer out from kallang.

to marina square.

den she transfer out to funan.

den attach to T3.

aft tat back to funan.

now tell me she wana resign.

wth~

i just promoted.

den she wana resigned.

still promised me to go D&D this year together.

idiotic she~

-_-

yeah yeah.

talking abt D&D.

its abt on march.

hee.

looking forward for it!!

=p

not working today.

feeling so damn tired and lazy.

dont feel like doing anything and going anywhere.

just came back from work.

my nose is killing me.

sneeze and sneeze for the whole day.

abt a week le lor.

bth~

yeah yeah.

came back from shopping at queensway.

he got his shoe.

i got my skinny jeans.

=DD

but.

he claims tat i look fat although tats SKINNY jeans.

so sad!!

i still buy it.

coz.

he only tell me aft i paid.

-_-''

to my surprise.

he brought me to ecp aft tat.

y surprise?

coz i was told to close my eyes almost 3/4 of the journey.

its like takin roller coaster in the dark.

felt so giddy.

den when i open my eyes.

yeah im at ecp!

i like to go there.

to slack.

to enjoy the sea breeze.

to listen to the sea wave

hee.

=p

aft two off days.

later going to work at 330pm.

like to work closing shifts.

coz im a night lfe person.

haa.

just came back from our shopping trip.

well perhaps is HIS shopping trip instead ba.

coz he is the one who bought lotsa stuffs while im empty handed.

lols.

went bugis street.

he bought himself one jeans and two tops.

is guys jeans tat ex?

59bucks for one?

omg~

haa.

actually wana get myself another skinny.

but tat particular shop is damn lots of ppl.

so i changed my mind not to get it.

haa.

we went to catch ONE MISSED CALL.

nice movie.

coz i like horror mah.

haa.

horror-ness: 9/10

storyline: 6.5/10

the lead actor died and the story somehow got no ending.

and oso dunno how the whole story actually started.

haha.

well but still kinda recommanded.

anyway is it true tat watching horror movies is like wasting money to scare urself?

perhaps its true for those who are scared and dont like.

but.

i like it.

LOLs~!!

=DD

surprisingly he is not working today.

surprise coz i dunno it at all.

haha.

think we might be going to queensway coz he wana get shoes.

think i might can get skinny there.

grab some tops if i can find any.

hee.

another shopping trip on 28!!

haha.

with dolly and candice.

maybe lisa too,

wana get shoes tat day.

hee.

yeah yeah yeah~

shop shop shop till drop before cny!!

=p

today is sunday.

so happy tat im off.

tmr im off too.

its so great tat having 2 off days straight.

already planned to go out today.

but i dunno how is the plan going on.

i looking forward for today for a very long time.

supposely to be happy.

but..

sads.

seriously is very difficult to handle family work friends and bf all at one time.

i believe everyone dont wish to neglect any of it.

tat including me.

so wat can i do to have equal and sufficient time for all?

went for dinner.

shun bian went to kallang mcd to visit them.

so sad lor.

they say i getting fatter liao.

OMG~!!!

i really need to do sth abt it lor.

hais

haha.

no jogging today.

coz he finishing work at 7pm instead of 11pm.

going out for dinner later.

hee.

and dunno y these few days i had been sneezing for the whole day.

he miss me too much?

lols.

=D

just feel uncomfortable.

excuse?

haa.

but still i wana slim down!!

but how?!?!

argh... ...

hmm.

another working day had past.

and today im off again.

think im gonna stay at home again.

wana go jogging.

hope the weather wont be bad.

haa.

dunno y i somehow looking forward for cny.

kinda excited abt it.

hee.

=p

planned to go jogging just now in the evening de.

but heavy rain.

my plan is ruined.

-_-

yup finally i uploaded photos in my friendster le.

aft 2mths i guess

haa.

hmm its wednesday le.

well im not working today.

gonna stay at home to slack the whole day.

it had been a very very long time ever since i last slack at home whole day.

haa.

haiya suet ah suet.

i dunno wat to say abt myself lor.

sensitive is ok.

but y am i forever OVER sensitive de.

actually nth happen.

made me so damn afraid to go work.

yup.

at least now think i dont need to worry tat much le ba.

my confidence is back again.

im willing to learn form my mistake.

and wont let history happen again.

(:

seriously shit.

i wana slim down b4 cny~!!

=DD

yup cny is less den a mth time.

cny shopping started but has not end.

gonna shop more!

hee.

this cny will be very different ba.

im not going back malaysia for cny.

aft 19yrs?

haa i dunno when i was baby i did went back or not.

at least 12yrs i celebrated cny at malaysia.

but this yr cant.

first due to i cant take leave for the whole feb.

isn't it idiotic?

hais.

secondly my bro in ns le.

tats y.

hais.

i miss my ah yi.

i miss my jiu jiu(s).

i miss my cousins esp my fav biao jie!!

and lastly definately i miss my 7 cutest nicece and nephews~!!

):

its MONDAY~!!

a brand new week.

forget abt last week.

and start new.

be happy.

(:

had watched the movie LINGER by zai zai.

not too bad.

rating 7/10

im back to online spree le~!!

omg!!

lols.

hope i wont be addicted once again and spend ALOT.

haa.

hais.

im so sad.

im so afraid.

im so stress.

im such a failure.

in the past im so confident tat i can do my job properly.

but actually i dont have tat much capabilities.

or am i having to much confidence in myself.

im too proud le?

i believe tat ALL human being make mistake right?

actually i shld learn from mistake.

instead of learning.

i repeat the same mistake.

again again.

and now im losing confidence le.

i dont feel like doing it le.

im so scared.

im afraid to overcome my fear.

i hope i can run away from the problem.

but i noe i cant.

i need to pay responsible to wat i had done.

hais.

working is so fucking stress.

i really got the mindset of dont wana work le.

i wana go study.

aft this matter had happened.

the more i wana go study.

am i trying to avoid the problem?

or i just really wana study.

i cant differentiate.

hais.

i really wana cry le.

i dunno wat to do le.

i cant do or say anything but only to say SORRY.

i dunno how am i going to face her tmr.

i dunno how she going to nag at me.

i dunno whether i can hold on my tears or not.

but i hope i can.

coz i dont wana let my crews see tat im not strong.

hais its not easy to act and pretend.

no one else can help me except myself.

think tmr i need to face the 'music'.

den next build up my confidence once again,

and lastly overcome the fear ba.

hope this plan will really work ba.

(: